It was one o’ clock in the morning when I heard the news. Another attack in the black community and this time it was also against the body of Christ. I cried as my heart broke as I read the news. My first thoughts were why God, where are you, why have you forsaken us? My next move was to get on my knees and pray.
I have lived in a place where there were guns going off daily. Where sometimes I had to make sure if there was going to be a drive by that I had a place to jump and hide. I have even seen a man shot and killed by a drive by, the men who did the deed get out of the car and look so proud of what they have done. Even more so I saw how the cops reacted to the shooting one smiled as the man was laying on the ground dying and not letting the ambulance through.
I understand. I feel the rage, hurt, anger. I wonder how much more can my brothers and sisters in the black community can take. We should not have to live a life in fear, in anger, or in rage. We should have a life of peace. It is hard when you have so many things coming against you like judgmental attitudes, racist people, and oppression. Where is the hope I wonder and where is God in the midst of all of this?
There is a picture that is stuck in my mind is in the aftermath of the shooting, instead of finding angry sound bites. The news showed people that evening who were crying but holding hands in prayer. The people at the scene of the church knew that angry words will not solve anything. They know that if you call on God he will rescue us. Later that morning I came across this verse in Psalm 22:4-5 “Our ancestors trusted in you and you rescued them. They cried out to you and were saved. They trusted in you and were never disgraced.” Then I looked backed at the picture of people holding hands in prayer. They were crying out to God, singing praises. For they know only God can rescue from the evils and perils of this world.
Where is God in the midst of all this? He is right there crying and grieving with us. He is giving comfort, peace and hope. He knows that this world is fallen and people will do what they wish even if it is evil intention. He is right there already preparing for justice and to rescue us from all these messes. I can and do take great comfort that he is right there. Where is my hope?
My hope in the midst of despair is in God and not in man. I cannot place my hope in man or that things will get better because it will be a letdown, as all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. I cannot put my hope in politicians or laws because they have to fit everyone. I have to put my hope in the LORD who will never let me down or forsake me. Even though sometimes it does seem like God did forsake us. But that is not who God is. He made a promise to never leave us and never forsake us. He never has forsaken us; he always came down to our rescue at the right moment.
In this moment as I grieved. I am not trying to get angry but to forgive or get into crazy judgmental debates. As a mourner said “Love is stronger than hate.” God’s love is stronger than anger, hate, and fear. I can ask God to help me to love instead of living in fear or anger. In this moment what I am doing is what my ancestors did, cry out to God, and trust in God. For I know in time that he will rescue us. For he hears us when we call upon him.