The year of 2013 was a year of joy, and disappointment, but also a year of struggle for me with my relationship with the LORD. See last year I didn’t realize but I fell into a spiritual depression. I was so overwhelm with life and ministry that it became so hard to connect with God. So much that I was just going through the motions. Nothing made me happy. It started so much with something that I love mission trips. I had the pleasure of planning and coordinating a mission trip never done it before. Goodness everything that I was put through from my team to the new pastor that came at the end of the whole planning process, and felt like I didn’t do a good job so much criticism.
Then I was let down by having a crush date someone else, and then meeting a man and having a relationship that would eventually end.
During all of this I was just so disconnected from God. I was questioning my purpose in life. I was questioning if I was hearing from God. I was questioning if God was there for me, because it seemed like everything was against me. Then in December I got a word from God, rest from ministry work, 2014 will be a year of promise, and what you wanted for Christmas you will get in the next year (well you may guess what I wanted for Christmas 😀 ).
At the beginning of 2014 my boyfriend broke up with me (we tried the friend route), and me and the pastor I was serving wouldn’t let me step down, in fact made me feel guilty for wanting to step down. My world and plans were crashing. I still didn’t run to God, I tried to do stuff on my own strength, getting my ex-boyfriend back, and making the pastor change his mind.
Finally April/May comes around, my ex-boyfriend pretty much stopped talking to me and pushed me out of his life (actually he started to see someone else), but then I was able to step down from ministry. God began to truly pursue me. I was crushed, I was hurt by life, and I was offended by God. I was really sick all the time. But it didn’t matter, He started to allure me back into his heart and Him back into mines. He wanted me to have him as my all in all. To be the only one in my life that matter, to have my full heart.
Hosea 2:14 says But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into desert and speak tenderly to her there. That is what He was doing, my lover, my Heavenly boyfriend was doing winning me back to him again. We started a new relationship, learning about Him in a different way,in a different light. Learning to love in a more healthy way with him and the people around me. To take joy in him, and letting his love and peace just roll in and through every part of my life. It’s not easy. It’s like God and I were separated almost divorced from each other. We realized that we wanted to be together. To be together we need to work on our relationship with each other.
God and I go on dates. They are nice just me and him talking. It’s been good. There are days where this is not easy thing and He feels so far away from me. Then He reminds me that he never leave me nor forsake me. I smile and lift up my hands in worship.
Today are you struggling in your relationship with God? Are you relying more on another person faith to keep you going? Today are you feeling down and feel like God is not there?
Let me encourage you, He is there and he is alluring you back into his arms. You are not forgotten, nor forsaken. He is there. Go on a date with Him, and speak very frankly about how you feel right now, He will listen and will respond in a good way.
Emmanuel God is with us.