I John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made in perfect love.
I have been hurt by love. I have a family member who verbally abuses me but I love the family member. I had two boyfriends who just used me and I thought I loved them. My father who isn’t he supposed to love me automatically rejected me for 11 years, and am I supposed to love him. I would search for love in the wrong places. I went back and forth about wanting to be married because I doubted that a man could love me when I didn’t love myself. I would say that I love God but in truth I was afraid to love Him fully and completely. Truth was that I was afraid to love. Yet God seeing the brokenness in my heart, seeing the hurt and pain, knowing that He had plans for me which it included me loving Him fully and without fear. Here is a key truth God loves you perfectly. Yes God loves you perfectly. When you learn to love God first He drives out that fear to love someone else.
How have you been hurt by love and are you afraid to love again? Do you feel that no one could ever love you at all! Here is the truth God heals, and He wants to take you on a pathway to heal in this area to take a step in the pathway to love courageously. The courage to love is a step of faith. I found this out truly in the last couple of months.
As I said I was afraid to love but didn’t know it. I was looking for love in the wrong places and ended up being hurt even more. What God wanted of me was to love and trust him completely and first in my life. I would say yes I love God but in truth I didn’t want to open my heart to Him fully. I would say oh God is teaching me to trust Him and He was but I didn’t fully trust Him. What would it take for God to show me this simple truth? It would take a crush on a guy friend and falling in love with an amazing man to show me this truth.
I had this guy friend and for the first time through his eyes I started to see myself. I started to see that I was beautiful and accepted. God used him to show me the empty areas in my life. I started to grow more confident about myself just a bit though. I had to see a counselor because I saw that I did a lot of negative self-talking. She help me learn to affirm myself and accept myself. Even to mourn my father before the reconciliation. In fact the reconciliation with my father also helped me to take a step to love.
Then about 2 ½ months ago I meet the most amazing wonderful guy Richard. I was just blown away by Richard. Yet I lost the confidence that he would want me. I wanted to be chosen, I wanted to be loved by him. I was afraid that Richard wouldn’t see me as I am. I was afraid that he could love a girl like me. It definitely didn’t help that at the time he was seeing other girls. But what it did do was make me run to God!
Yes because I was with Richard I had to run to God for assurance! It was the first time in my life that I was completely honest with God. I stop talking at God but instead with Him. I developed a deeper imitate relationship with God. For the first time I had to trust God in this area especially when He told me to stay with Richard when I was ready to run because I was afraid that Richard wouldn’t choose me.
As well during this time I started to fall more in love with God. As I was falling in love with God He chased out my fears about myself and what I believed. God gave me the confidence to endure. When I stop being afraid I was able to pray for Richard. Eventually God started to work in him, and took out the other girls.
For 6 days I didn’t talk to Richard but God spoke to me. He showed me a wonderful vision about him, and more scriptures than I could imagine. At the end Richard said we were friends and I try to set some boundaries. I was heartbroken. I was ready for love and all I could think of I was back to the drawing board. God had different plans.
I was at a retreat and God just loved on me healing my heart. Later the following week Richard and I were out for coffee and it sort of felt like we were starting over again. This time I asked God to protect my heart, I saw His hand covering my heart. Then we went out again and a week or so later we changed our status to boyfriend/girlfriend. But get this both of us had fears about love. Yet we took a step of faith and said yes! I know that for me most of the fears are gone and I have this perfect peace, my guy is more than I could imagine!
I John 4:18 says there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. Human love is failing but God’s love is perfect. There is no fear to love God. He is the one that we can bear everything to I mean He already knows but wants you to talk with Him. When we first learn to love God He is the one who will drive out that fear. It is hard to love God after a hurt. Let say you have been divorce, and you say I can’t love anyone ever again. In truth you can love someone again God. When we have been hurt we take the hurt and put it on God. Yes we do it. We want to hold back from God instead of releasing and giving all to Him. In a way we become dissatisfied with God and have to learn to be satisfied with God again.
Then on the flip side maybe you are single and been asking God, where is my….? You start being stingy with God, holding back your heart. You don’t want to go on dates with God you want to go on dates with a person. You become dissatisfied with God. How can God trust you with one of His sons or daughter if you are feeling this way? He wants you to be satisfied with Him alone first. He wants you to trust Him completely, love Him completely before He gives you one of His children.
Before a person can love, you must learn to love God first and completely. When you have been hurt you have to learn to love God again completely. In order for when those pesky fears pop up you can look to the perfect love who cast away fear.
When you have been hurt or rejected by someone. When how you acted in the past comes up and you are trying to forget or when you are afraid to open up your heart to someone. Look to our Heavenly Father who first loves you. Our Father is in the business of healing and preparation. It might take time or it might be swift but His timing is perfect. When the time is right and you are afraid take the Father’s hand and take that step of faith because it is worth it. The courage to love is worth it.