I have a confession, I want to be married one day but I am scared. I am scared to open my heart to another. I am scared to share my body with another. I am scared that I won’t be accepted as I am. It is because of these fears that I keep putting my foot in my mouth with a possible right guy. See when I may sense a hint of something more I might say something about myself that would go wow she got issues or I may do an action that might go that girl is crazy. I am hoping beyond hope that the right guy will see pass this and be listening to God to say I know what she did wasn’t cool but look at it this way.
However at the same time God is dealing with me with these fears, God is saying so much to me trust me, I got this, do not be afraid or discourage, it will happen according my plan and purposes for you. Even knowing this guess what I am still scared.
In a recent blog post by Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs 31 in the Friendship Challenge posted on April 18, 2013 she says this “To be known is to risk being hurt. But friendship can be beautiful, and worth the risk.”
This had gotten me to start thinking about the direction that God is moving me towards; He is getting me ready to be married one day. I know that it is a risk. See us women when we have been hurt by someone we love like a father, mother, a divorce, someone who is close wounds us. For some cases like myself to the point of you do not want to be in that situation again so either conscious or subconsciously you may try to ruin the relationship before it may begin or during the relationship, and sometimes you are married and it is rearing its ugly head. Yet God is calling me to trust him with this, to work on the issues, in parallel in what he is starting in motion. Maybe you are in a similar situation, but know this God is walking with you through all of this.
God did not create us to be alone. He created man and woman to be together. Two are better than one sort of deal. Marriage is serious business because God created it and Satan is always trying to destroy it. Satan tries to stop a marriage right before it begins because if he can fuel more fear and uncertainty into the person then the relationship may not happen. Nothing can stop what God has set into motion as it says in Isaiah 34:16; None of these will be missing, not one will lack her mate; For it is his mouth that has given the order and His spirit will gather them together. God calls people together and no matter what you do He will still bring you together in His time. I know that people say you got to deal with all your issues before marriage or it will be amplified. Which is true but God knows this and he may call you guys together before all the issue is worked out, but if there are a lot of red flags wait and deal with them. If there is something like insecurity or fear try to deal before marriage as much as possible but still follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.
It is risky to open your heart up but it is worth the risk. I can be like the Israelites in the Old testament who whenever they were about to see God fulfill a promise they got scared and ruin it, but guess what they actually did get the promise in time. I can be like Joshua who was afraid a lot that God kept saying Do not be afraid or discourage I am with you. I can be like Esther who was afraid to go to the king but who swallowed her fear and saved her people. I can be like any of these people. You know what they all had in common? They risked following through what God commanded, they trusted in Him, and we are better off for it. I need to trust God that, yes marriage is what he is calling me too and that he is preparing me for. That despites all my irks, craziness, insecurity, that the right guy will be able to deal with the strength of God (Praise the Lord) and see past to what God sees of me (I believe).
It is worth the risk to open yourself up to the man God chosen for you and you will know (more on that in another blog). It is worth the risk to be vulnerable to another person. It is worth it.
Marriage is beautiful and is worth the risk. So much that I can say to God whatever your will be, I trust you and your timing. We do not need to be afraid because God is there walking along side of us. He is holding our hands and saying this is it go be fruitful and multiply.
Will you take the risk?