Archive | July 2012

Nicoya, Costa Rica

For this last week I was in Nicoya, Costa Rica with my church high school student group. I was nervous because leading up to the trip we was not gelling as a team. The adults complained that they didn’t know what their role was and who was the leader exactly. Both students and adults were nervous because we didn’t know what to expect. This was a foregin land. This was something new, we was not going down to build houses or just work with the kids. No this time we were handing out bibles and sharing the gospel (take a breath here).  This was a new experience for us all.

Yet from day one leaving Portland to go to Nicoya God already started to work. The first amazing thing was that we started to gel as a team! Yes God got us together so quick you couldn’t even blink. It was like a family traveling together. Then as the days passed we grew closer and closer together, even bringing in the staff on the base into our fold. Bringing the staff into our fold was not a surprise because we are really are friendly and open at church so it was natural. We worked side by side together it was great.

Then we saw the Holy Spirit moving not just in our lives but around us as we was handing out a bible to each home in Caimaital, Costa Rica. Each day that we was handing out a bible we had a local with us. One of the locals her name is Ella she is actually the pastor’s wife. I haven’t seen somebody so in tuned to the Holy Spirit in so long. She knew which houses we needed to stay, which ones we needed to leave, and who we needed to pray over. If we didn’t do something she did it! For me it was like my teaching gift was on the express lane! I felt words coming out of me that could be only describe as “did I actually say that!” I learned that I needed to surrender myself to his leading. We plan and plan things in advance there only to then have the Holy Spirit change our course. How often here do we shut down the Holy Spirit because it doesn’t fit into our plans. There I saw the Holy Spirit moving and I pray and hope now at home to continue to follow his leading even when it is not in my plan.

Speaking of the Holy Spirit moving; Diego and Sal Silvia. If they did not follow the Holy Spirit guidance to move from San Jose to Guanacaste aka Nicoya there would not have been a YWAM base. Sal on the first day was saying how she is becoming more of a resource person for Domestic Violence but somewhat a counselor. She was saying that in Costa Rica 8 in 10 women are abused in some way, that even girls and boys are molested at a young age, even more that girls are becoming more sexually active at a young age. That the government is not doing anything about it at this time. Wow but this is how God is working on the solution, He is sending people there to go to fight and pray with these women and children. He already sent Sal and I believe He is sending more. For me it’s funny because in my former job I had access to materials, and then also we somewhat involved in a Christian Ministry that helped deal with the aftermath of Domestic Violence. I pray that one day I get to go back and help in this area.  

God did a lot of amazing things there. I grew closer to Him. I had hope something else special that I was praying for to happen, it didn’t but I have comfort that God is in control in that area.  That’s it isn’t, it’s not about what I want, my plans, it’s about God’s will and His plan. If He sees it at it fits He will change our plans, our mind. We need to be like Mary, “For I am the Lord’s servant do as you will.”

Please pray I want to go back at the end of this year to “visit”. I need to see God opening doors. 


The Heart Matters

Paul writes in Romans 10:9 and Ephesians 2:8 that it is by faith we believe in God. Actually in Romans 10:9 he writes that not only confesses with the mouth but believe in the heart. Wait! Let’s stop again its faith in the heart. When Jesus spoke about faith in Mark he said whoever believes in his heart this will happen…. So why is faith and heart connected?

I believe it’s because the heart does not see its inside us. Whereas our eyes see what is going on and thus doubt sets in and we don’t believe. Yet there is still a part that holds onto what we believe and that is the heart.

Here is another question, we believe that Jesus died on the cross, we confess Him into our lives. Yet we do not see or know for sure, but in our hearts we believe. What about when God reveal something to us we have a hard time believing that it is Him speaking (that’s another issue for another time).

Faith is believing in your heart that what God said, do, or will become. Our eyes deceives us so much and that’s why Jesus and Paul said don’t believe your eyes. I mean look at Paul walking on water! He was doing fine until he saw what He was doing! I wonder if he truly listened to his heart aka Jesus then would he have begun sink.

For the last week I was in Nicoya, Costa Rica. I was out my comfort zone. I am handing out bibles and speaking with people about my faith! My faith that they cannot see with their eyes, I can walk it and talk it but they are not around me! Yet it is through my words that will penetrate their hearts to “see” the unseen through me. I had no clue what they might be going through, I had no clue if my story will relate to their story,  all I know that through faith I had spread the gospel. If I only allowed my eyes to do the talking then the gospel would not be preached. I believe in my heart that the words I am that I had said reached them.

Walk by faith not by sight.

Beware of the Watchmen

Songs of Solomon 3:3-4a

The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. Have you seen the one my hearts loves? Scarcely had I passed them….

I have a confession to make, until I was about 23 or 24ish I was boy crazy. I love looking a men and taking a “picture.” I also have another confession to make; I have been hurt by not so good guys. One of my last confessions I need to make is that I’m guilty of meeting any cute guy I was attracted too and asking are you the one?

Single sisters we are all or most of guilty of this are we not. In a time where things move so fast but not our love lives we tend to get impatient. Almost like the Shulamite woman here. She is out looking for her love that is her mission, it is her goal. She wants to find him so badly. As she is out looking she runs into these watchmen.

I have always been puzzled who are the watchmen? I always assumed that they were guards because later in the book we see them again in a not so nice picture. As I’ve been going back to this scripture for the last 6 months, I finally realized who the watchmen are.  Here is a disclaimer not all scripture is black and white and like this is it meaning its done, but there are other scriptures that have like 100 different meanings because God is diverse and He will use it to speak to you in a different way aka a different interpretation. With that said this is what God revealed to me about the watchmen.

A watchman is a person or an emotion that you get so wrapped up in that it takes away from what God is doing in your love life, and or takes you away from God. Let’s first talk about physical men.  The physical  watchmen are the ones who will pursue me (us) before and sometimes after a godly man appears in our (my) life, who will either hurt us or turn us away from God or both. They are the ones who are already are there to plot heartache, doubt, fear, in our lives. At times they are out to hurt you (me) and sometimes not on purpose. Because we women are emotional we get so wrapped up in them that we are not listening to God, friends, family when they say there is something wrong or you need to let go. When we do we are hurt by the relationship, or they just plain hurt us by cheating, lying, tearing you away from God; you know the usual suspects.

This may also be a surprise it may not be physical men, it can be virtual men, aka men you may or may not meet on dating sites. I believe when a person get desperate enough and a person is on a dating site, it hurts us because it’s like this, I don’t get any hits, why no one is talking to me, oh God that guy is perfect for me. Our emotions can tend to get so wrap up in the dating site and thus becomes a watchman.

Then when we have men who were are interested in you or have a crush we ask are you the one my heart loves. Knowing deep down, knowing that God is saying no to this match or knowing that the guy is not interested in you like that, remember God is our matchmaker, yet we barely get away from them.

In the next verse she says Scarcely had I passed them, meaning she barely passed them up. Another meaning that she was close to hurting herself because of these watchmen, to allow them in her life, into her heart to see if they were the ones that her heart love. I’ve been there. I have allowed two watchmen in my life that in truth really should not have been in my life. I did things just to see if they were the one (fortunately they were not).  I needed them in my life just to prove that I can be loved, wanted and needed yes I have used dating sites to do that as well.

There is a danger here when we begin to feel that desperation to have our love in our lives now. As we (me) are aging each year and another year pass without that love, we ask ourselves am I really worth it. Why isn’t there a Christian man pursuing me now, because I need it now. When we (I) get trap into that thought process we (I) allow these watchmen into our lives and they have no business being there at all. At times we barely get away before our hearts are entangled with them. This is also true when you have a crush on a guy. We (I) can be so wrapped up into that fantasy that we don’t either see one he’s not into you or two that he’s not good for you and both one and two.

Here’s a bit of my story, in college I had a serious crush on a guy, I was like he’s the one (but he wasn’t), I use to fantasize how he would asked me out, etc it came close to an obsession. God needed me to pull out and see that he was not good for me and that we would be on different paths. How does he do it sends me to a conference where one woman who had the same thing going on and God delivered her from it, as I knew He would do for me. I barely passed this watchman. Another was one of my boyfriends who I do call not my first love but my first lust. I did things with him that should have been only be for my future (or soon to be) husband, also we had this be together and break up thing going on. As well he was a cheater even in high school, he would cheat on me and then with another girlfriend with me as being the second woman. I was so entangled that I could not see that he was not the one for me. I barely got away from him, God gave me the strength to let go of him. I could go on with more examples from my life. Here’s the thing I learned; when I turn to God with my feelings about any guy (I like or really want him to pursue me), He will make it clear on which direction to go (which is usually wait, let it go, or not now).

It’s been a life lesson for me to take my feelings about a guy to God. In the process I see the changes in my life where men are concerned, I now know the difference between my flesh voice and God’s voice. I now know the difference of a good godly man vs. a pretender. I now know what to do when I have a crush on a guy; I go to God and my accountability friends and not let my heart be entangled.

When you feel like you don’t deserve a good man or feel like your time is running out, look at Sarah, look at Hannah, look at Ruth, and look at Elizabeth; women whose time had “passed” in the world eyes but not in God eyes. See just in the right time He brought their hearts desire to completion rather if it was for marriage or for children God did it, as He has done it for these women He will do for you too. Also if you want some live women who’ve gone through this stuff message me I can tell you stories about their lives.

All in all be careful with your heart guard it, beware of the watchmen in your life (if you need to let go, let them go), and give to God all things.

Next post how will I know this is the one my heart loves? Good question! I will hope to explain in my next post as we continue in Songs of Solomon.